Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Zumba Bint

For those of you who've read my Zumba blog you'll know all about the gimps in my Zumba class (for those who haven't here it is Zumba)

Well OH MY GOD I've just got back from Zumba and I just had to tell you about this new arrival - Zumba Bint.

She turns up, claims a stake at the front (which invariably the knobheads do) and then brings her fella in who sits and watches the whole class from the bench. Why girl? Why? There's a seating area and vending machines outside, why would you bring your fella to watch 100 women get sweaty and show up your shit dance moves, cos believe me they were shit. It's off putting.

There's only 3 reasons I can think of as to why she brought her fella to class.

1. She reckoned she'd be dead sexy like the bird from step up and turn him on. Well she looked like a fat auntie flailing round at a wedding after too many brandies. You failed love.

2. She's in an abusive relationship and she isn't allowed to go anywhere without which case soz. See me for the Domestic Abuse helpline number.

3. She's been cheating on him and blaggin she's goin to Zumba when really she's round at her bit on the sides gettin goosed. She'll be all like "Oh yeh babe Zumbas boss, I'm gettin dead good yano!" and he's called her bluff. He called her bluff real good cos she was all over the show...I did check at one point whether she actually had eyes cos I really don't know who's dance moves she was copying off. The only explanation I can think of is that there was a wormhole in time and space and she was actually in a parallel universe attending an entirely different Zumba class than the one I was in.

Ah least Fluffy Head had a day off.

In other news this week I was up at the crack of dawn Sunday to go see our kid off at the airport. He's decided to go work on the cruises round the Caribbean...not as a drag act or anythin, as a croupier. I woke up at 4.30 to 10+ texts off me fella askin why I was ignorin him and didn't I know how "mush i loveshoe babbbes" - he was still out the bastard. Anyway the inevitable happened me and me ma said goodbye to our kid at airport security, us crying uncontrollably, him laughing hysterically in our faces. He's not a wetbag, he's a MAN! I'll be seein him in a few weeks anyway seein as me and @susielovesvodka are on the official 2 weeks countdown to Cancun and one of his stops is just round the corner.....but still, love a good whinge.

Susie and I decided to get into the holiday spirit and went to Kasbah on Bold Street - ok ok it's Moroccan not Mexican food but we'd heard good things and they both begin with M so thought we'd give it a bash. It's one of those places where one minute you're in Liverpool and the next minute it's like you're sittin in a restaurant on holiday. I love the fact that everything you see in there you can buy as well like the lamps and tables etc, it's proper fit. I had to restrain Susie from buyin a Fez like. Imag. The food was proper gorgeous, I'd been lookin forward to the lamb tagine all day and for some bizzare reason ordered the chicken one like a total divvy - it was still fit tho. If use go deffo get some Moroccan tea, it's like a hot Mojito mmmm.

Anyway I'd been tasked to bring home pizza by a very hungover fella dying in bed....which I did. like a boss bird. Only to find he fucked off to another room to watch the Grand Prix an the footy as soon as I got there. *sighs* Euro widow. FML.


Stay scouse and if you go to Zumba, don't be a gimp.

@boobleyboo AKA @scousebirdprobs