Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Scouse Birds Birthday night out

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, or haven't been following me, or just don't give a fuck you might be sware that it was the celebration of my day of birth this week. I was made up at turning 27 cos it's my lucky number. Much better than the devastation I felt at turning 26 (quarter life crisis) so I was looking forward to having a great time. Plus I look younger than I did at 26 thanks to the introduction of Botox to my fod. Long live freezy face juice.

Things didn't start so well. I woke up on Thursday morning chocka block full of cold thanks to my ginger housemate @susielovesvodka the slag. My birthday falls on the summer solstice so it's the longest day of the year, and fuck me, I was in work dying of cold and it fuckin felt like the longest day of the year. I ended up getting off early and chartering a plane home from Kirkby so I could nap. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and was only woken up by @maverick85p turning up at 6.20 when I was supposed to be ready to go out with me ma at 6.30. FML.
I got dressed dead quick, probably had the outfit co-ordination and hairstyle of a bad wool. If I owned a pair of kitten heels I probably eould've thought they were a great fashion choice being in the state that I was in. But I soldiered on, went out, scranned a pizza hut then went back to sleep.

The next day @maverick85p took me into town after work for the birthday shopping trip. I felt bad that I was going to be fucking off for 2 weeks to Cancun without him plus he'd made out to me mum like I was bleeding him dry the little arlarse so to prove a point I thought I'D take HIM for something to eat. I mean he was gonna be takin me to Matou for my birthday meal on Saturday like, fairs fair. He thought he was boss choosing Carraghers bar didn't he? He was in his element ordering ribs and cocktails and watching the footy, sorry THE FUCKING BASTARD FOOTY - even havin the cheek to suggest I tip them with my birthday money. Well cut to 2am and suddenly he's in ours projectile vomitting all over the show. Karma, or rather the ribs he'd scranned at Cafe Sports had come back to bite him in the arse for letting me pay for a meal in the middle of my birthday celebrastons hadn't they? As I went out the back to get him a bucket in case of further mishaps I stood barefoot on a bastard slug – Happy Birthday! (I thought remind me to go back outside and salt it and leave its carcass there as a warning to all other slugs) As I rubbed his back and told him everything was gonna be alright he declared that he's never letting me pay for anything again. Result.
The problem was the next day he was too sick to take me out to Matou....oh well you'll just have to pay for my acrylics instead won't you lad?

The Saturday night we went out to see our now good friends at Moniques. I'd sent them a list of demands including which booth we wanted to sit in, what music they were allowed to play, the fact we wanted fresh limes with our mixers instead of that cordial shite. Oh yeh I was in full on birthday diva mode. This birthday needed to buck up it's ideas cos it was goin down the pan fast. I got in the booth and noticed half the cast of Scousewives were over on the stage bit hangin out on their thrones. Joe-Ann one of the promoters and all round lovely woman came over and said they were dying to meet me can I come over?
"Ar ay Joe-Ann I've just got here can't I have a bevvy first?"
She came back like 30 seconds later sayin "They said get her over here raaaar now we wanna meet her!"
So I went and did my meet & greet (HA!), Gillian was gorgeous, Chris and Mark beautiful and fabulous and Jaiden was of course....still a wool. I saw Danny later on lookin like he's just stepped out, just stepped out of a salon with his fabulous hair. Holly Henderson turned up a bit later on and he let us have a go on the bongos - we killed the bongos.

After that I went back to hang out with the Scouse Bird entourage - @maverick85p did THAT dance which of course everyone was suitably impressed with and is still completely indescribable. The gay lad in the booth next to us was the most impressed of all - I found out the next day he'd been tryin to feel me fellas arse up and put his hands round his waist. Er if I'd know that there would've been handbags at dawn....I've lost too many men that way.

I had a great night all in all and was made up when Matt the DJ presented me with my CD he'd burnt of Greyhound. He didn't have it last time I was in and he'd been warned that I'd be spittin on his Louboutins if he made the same mistake again, Greyhound is a boss fist pumping anthem. Joe-Ann and Mark made my night amazing, can't thank you enough and I'll see you all soon.

Inabit (she types as she's in a plane over the Atlantic)

@boobleyboo AKA @scousebirdprobs