Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Chelsea Chelsea I Believe

Right everyone this is an off the cuff one cos I'm fumin! Apologies if it's not up to ususal standard.

There I was today coming out of work after a hard day of editing spreadsheets and dodging kippers in the canteen and I take my phone out to check if any eligible fitties had text me. They hadn't. But I did have 2 texts off unknown numbers...

This wasn't particularly unusual, I usually get a text every few days saying I've got precisely £3145.63 to claim back in PPI that I've never had or that I'm owed £5483.55 for the accident I had - What accident? The time I was 10 and pissed myself?? 

But as I went to swipe and delete I noticed one saying "Hi it's Scott." and the other said "Hi, send me a picture of you first." Jesus Christ. And as I replied to those saying "Sorry love you've got the wrong number." more came through. More and more and more. The jist I got from the few I read was that they were trying to get in touch with some bird off plentyoffish.com called Chelsea. That's right I'd been fucking well and truly pranked. 

an example

At first I found it hilarious, as each text came through I laughed and rolled my eyes "Good one." I thought, "Touche, knobhead, touche." Clearly I'd pissed some lad off. Or possibly unwittingly some lads bird. Gimps. Prime suspect Mr I Hate Hashtags.

So I asked one of the desperate losers what had gone one and he said that "Chelsea" had sent him a message saying she was deleting her profile text me on 07********* (MY number) instead because she'd just joined and had already had 400 messages and it was doing her head in. YES CHELSEA I KNOW HOW YOU FUCKING FEEL!! By this point I'd easily had over 100 texts. I was starting to not see the funny side anymore. Whoevers picture the pranker used she must've been fit. Probably my profile pic or something ;-)

I decided to chuck the phone in my bag and forget about it, I was on my way to double Zumba and I had hot gym instructors to dodge. My Zumba teacher was in a particularly evil mood tonight and even shouted at me in front of everyone because my squats weren't deep enough. Ay maybe she got pranked today too?

I came out to another 23 texts and a drained battery. So drained I didn't even want to risk checking twitter for fear I wouldn't be able to get all the way home and still play my music to drown out the other bus wankers. One of the losers had asked me why I'd deleted my profile so at least I knew the ordeal was coming to a conclusion.

I legged it through the front door with my iphone clutched in my hand like a dying child and rushed it to the nearest power source as it looked at me with its sad 1% eyes.

That's when I went to collect the post and found this:

Chelsea's only swung by my house in a delta while I'm out to rub it in hasn't she?? The cow!