One of the strings to my bow is that I'm a landlord. Well landlady. I was sat in the hairdressers yesterday gettin drenched by the work experience girl washin me  hair (arr if you're readin this girl, bless your cotton socks, soakin people is a rite of passage and you did a fab blow dry) when I got a call off a number I didn't know. I pay all my bills on time and I don't have any mad exes that I'm tryin to swerve therefore unknown numbers don't really fill me with fear an dread, so I answered. It was the next door neighbour for the property I rent out.

"Hi Scouse Bird (he used my real name like, I don't call round to collect the rent in a Coleen mask or anything), I've got a bit of a problem with your tenant."

Shit. "Riiiight?" I had visions of slanging matches on the street, domestic abuse, music blasting til all hours & them turning my old gaff into a brass house.

"Yeh they've committed identity fraud on me, opened all sorts of credit agreements an now they've done a bunk"

FUUUUCCKK "What??! No that doesn't make sense, she's spent loads doin the house up, she's completely redecorated, why bother doin that if they're just planning on gettin off?"

"They've bought loads of phones and computers an I don't know where they got the money. I mean, they could've just gone out for the day though."

"Hmm ok. Well there's not a lot I can do about it, alls I can suggest is calling the police an let them investigate."

"Right ok see ya"

I'm not sure what he wanted me to do, make a citizens arrest? Either way, I carried on gettin my hair done (I was goin out for a cheat meal that night to Byrons) and sat there dreading the thought of havin to find another tenant. Be assed. About an hour later he called again.

"Hi Scouse Bird, I've just seen them come home. They haven't done a bunk."

Thank fuck for that "Right, that's good. So what actually makes you think it was them anyway? Is it just that they bought a computer?"

"Well yes. What it was, someone phoned pretending to be from BT an i gave them access to my computer, I fell for it hook line and sinker. Now they have all my details. Only next door would know I have a computer."

"Yeh John* that's a pretty common scam that, I think they just assume every house has a computer and try their luck."

"Really?"

"Yeh. I've had someone blaggin they're from Microsoft ringin me. An I've heard of one hoax where someone rings pretending to be from BT sayin they'll cut your phone line if you don't pay there and then and ill prove it. Then when you hang up they stay on the line and mute it so when you pick up the phone again the line sounds dead. Then they ring you back 10 mins later and say 'see, we cut your phone off'. So they're dead clever John* - I don't think it's them next door like"

"But...what do I do?" 

I actually felt dead sorry for him. I don't think there's any quick fix to sort out having your identity stolen. I just told him to contact the credit reference agencies and the police and be vigilant in future.

So yeah, be careful everyone - identity theft is proper arly.

*name has been changed to protect identity. the irony.

Scouse Bird 

XOXO